Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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