we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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