Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
