Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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