Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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