surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I came so hard my ears popped.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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