I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
