When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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