I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
