No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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