dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
