i permit you to call me
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
