I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
