well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
