Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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