I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
