New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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