i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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