I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
