Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my sisters under your porch take her home
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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