is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
