so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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