I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
