So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
