p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
