my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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