I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
