you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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