I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
