Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
