Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
