Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
