Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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