It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
