Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize