If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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