I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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