I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
