you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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