if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
