i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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