I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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