My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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