boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
