My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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