is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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