sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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