Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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