If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Houston, we have a squirter
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
