My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
