I wannas sexs uuuuu
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
