Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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