I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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