3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
