But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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