sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
