I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
