I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
