Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
