I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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