Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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