weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
