he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
