With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
