This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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