I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
