Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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